When should you sever a relationship?

​Are inertia or emotion impeding your judgment?
 
This is not a topic that people like to discuss. Indeed, it’s one we often choose to avoid. But that doesn’t make it unavoidable. To the contrary: The longer you ignore a conversation like this, the worse the situation will be when you ultimately confront it. Don’t let it fester—or metastasize. Take a deep breath, take a look at the situation dispassionately, and then take action.
 
We can carve this discussion up into three topics—by internal team members, vendors, and then, most uncomfortably, clients—so let’s do so:
 
1. Cutting ties internally. This one is similar to advice we learned by reading former admiral James Stavridis, who said that the best ship handling comes from being able to avoid situations which would require great ship handling in the first place. It’s not wise to “take a shot” when hiring. Do your due diligence. Let both parties acclimate. Set expectations properly. Doing so will help you avoid deft “ship handling.”
 
Still, you want to make every reasonable effort to help someone succeed before turning to that last unappetizing option. But here’s a tip: Make it clear when you’re actively trying to save someone’s job.
 
Years ago, I (yes, first person here) had to fire a woman who worked for me. She was really nice, but she made tons of big, costly, and sometimes downright negligent mistakes, and I tried, over and over, to help her advance. But I couldn’t, and couldn’t defend her performance to my superiors any longer, either. So one Friday at the end of the day, I called her into my office and asked her to shut the door—which was ominous enough. Feeling sick to my stomach, I pasted on the most un-sick expression I could muster, and asked her, “Do you know why I’ve asked you into my office?”
 
Without so much as blinking, she replied, “You’re going to fire me, aren’t you?”
 
We both heaved a huge sigh of relief. She’d secretly wanted out, and it turned out the strain was killing us both. But we both agreed that at least there was no mystery, no shock, no unfairness in the moment. She’d known she was on thin ice. She’d known I was trying to save her. She knew her opportunities to improve were finite. So she knew she would get fired.
 
We parted on great terms.
 
2. Letting go of vendors. If your vendor is a small or one-person shop, many of the lessons from above apply. But you should (and probably do) have backup vendors anyway, in the case of multiple-bid situations, or even if Vendor B is there to cover when Vendor A is unavailable.
 
But if the vendor is bigger, the dynamic changes. The best tip here is to not burn bridges. Even if that vendor really did you a disservice on that latest project, you never know when new management might step in, or when that one bad apple gets tossed out. Conversely, you also never know when that vendor’s one superstar gets snatched up by another vendor—but you’ll probably find out via a phone call, email, or LinkedIn.
 
Still, it’s not fun to fire a vendor, and it can be avoided by setting and sticking to well-defined and realistic expectations at every phase of engagement. If they can’t perform under those guidelines, then they’re not helping you. And if you can’t perform under those guidelines… well, that’s another (and huge) issue entirely.
 
3. Cutting clients. We used the word “dispassionate” at the beginning of this article, and here’s where it really comes into play. If you’re passionate about your work, you’re likely passionate about your clients. So why would you ever sever that relationship? Why would you ever amputate the hand that feeds you?
 
Look at it this way: Would you ever quit a job?
 
Of course you would. You’ve surely advised friends and colleagues faced with that decision. Letting go of a client isn’t too different.
 
But back to “dispassionate.” We’ve had clients that have driven us crazy, but were still great clients. You need to step back, after the deadline is met/the work is turned in, and ask yourself, “Was that worth it?” Were those demands truly unreasonable? Or did they bring out your best? Did they force you to raise your game? If they were truly unreasonable, did the client “buy you a beer” afterward, i.e., pat you on the back and say, “That was brutal, but thanks, we couldn’t have done it without you”? A little atonement goes a long way in our book.
 
Note that this has nothing to do with money. If you under-priced a project, do a better job next time. That’s your fault, not the client’s. If you simply can’t turn a profit working for a given client, then it’s not helping your business, and the relationship—the business relationship—is unsustainable.
 
But clients are people. We have some former clients we keep in touch with, because we love their company. So in that way, the relationship is profitable after all. 

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